Relative time format with jQuery

(function ($) {
  $.fn.updateTime = function () {
    this.each(function () {
      var $this = $(this);

      if ($this.parent().hasClass('stopUpdateTime') === false) {
        $.update($this);
        setInterval(function () {
          $.update($this);
        }, 60000);
      }
    });
  }

  var $lang = {
    0: 'less than a minute ago',
    1: '1 minute ago',
    59: '%distance minutes ago',
    118: 'an hour ago',
    1439: '%r hours ago',
    2879: 'Yesterday at %h:%i',
    14567: '%l at %h:%i',
  },
  $default = '%d %f%y at %h:%i',
    $days = ['Monday', 'Tuesday', 'Wednesday', 'Thursday', 'Friday', 'Saturday', 'Sunday'],
    $months = ['January', 'February', 'March', 'April', 'May', 'June', 'July', 'August', 'September', 'October', 'November', 'December'];

  $.update = function ($this) {
    if ($this.attr('title') != 'undefined') {
      var $date = new Date($this.attr('title'));
      var $timestamp = $this.attr('title');
      if ($date == 'Invalid Date') {
        $date = new Date($this.attr('title') * 1000);
        $timestamp = ($this.attr('title') * 1000);
      }

      var $time = new Date();

      var $distance = Math.round(Math.abs($time - $timestamp) / 60000);

      var $return = '';
      for (i in $lang) {
        if ($return == '' && $distance <= i) {
          var $r = Math.round($distance / 60),
            $h = (($date.getHours() < 10) ? '0' : '') + $date.getHours(),
            $i = (($date.getMinutes() < 10) ? '0' : '') + $date.getMinutes(),
            $l = $days[$date.getDay()];

          $return = $lang[i].replace(/%distance/i, $distance).replace(/%r/i, $r).replace(/%h/i, $h).replace(/%i/i, $i).replace(/%l/i, $l);
        }
      }

      if ($return == '') {
        var $d = (($date.getDate() < 10) ? '0' : '') + $date.getDate(),
          $f = $months[$date.getMonth()],
          $y = ($time.getFullYear() == $date.getFullYear()) ? '' : ' ' + $date.getFullYear(),
          $h = (($date.getHours() < 10) ? '0' : '') + $date.getHours(),
          $i = (($date.getMinutes() < 10) ? '0' : '') + $date.getMinutes();

        $this.html(
        $default.replace(/%d/i, $d).replace(/%f/i, $f).replace(/%y/i, $y).replace(/%h/i, $h).replace(/%i/i, $i));
      } else $this.html($return);
    }
  }
})(jQuery);

$(document).ready(function () {
  $('abbr.time').updateTime();
});

function timeInWords($timestamp) {
  $distance = (round(abs(time() - $timestamp) / 60));

  if ($distance <= 1) {
    $return = ($distance == 0) ? 'less than a minute ago' : '1 minute ago';
  }
  elseif($distance < 60) {
    $return = $distance.' minutes ago';
  }
  elseif($distance < 119) {
    $return = 'an hour ago';
  }
  elseif($distance < 1440) {
    $return = round(floatval($distance) / 60.0).' hours ago';
  }
  elseif($distance < 2880) {
    $return = 'Yesterday at '.date('H:i', $timestamp);
  }
  elseif($distance < 14568) {
    $return = date('l', $timestamp).' at '.date('H:i', $timestamp);
  } else {
    $return = date('d F', $timestamp).((date('Y') != date('Y', $timestamp) ? ' '.date('Y', $timestamp) : '')).' at '.date('H:i', $timestamp);
  }

  return '<abbr class="time" title="'.$timestamp.'">'.$return.'</abbr>';
}